


Spring Cleaning

by deplore



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 11:45:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11920215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deplore/pseuds/deplore
Summary: Goro’s hair grows longer and his feelings grow deeper as he waits for Akira Kurusu to return. Emotions gain a peculiar, foreign dimension to them, like he's slowly being filled with the things that he previously lacked. Or maybe it's more that he's regaining things that he once tried to throw away: his dreams, his passions, his opportunities, all burned to crisps and used as kindling to keep the hell-fire in him fierce and unyielding.His body begins to feel heavier as winter passes, though not in a literal sense – it’s as if he’s been rooted to the present more firmly now that he knows he’s here in reality to stay, rather than living on a self-inflicted timeline. Since he hasn’t the hot air of revenge to keep him buoyant anymore, the weight of the future presses down on him instead. And he starts to understand from a new perspective what he would’ve stolen away if he’d managed to kill Akira Kurusu – that it wasn’t simply a matter of deleting a person from the world, but that he’d also have destroyed every possibility that could only exist because Akira Kurusu lived.And all of that pushes against him, it chokes in his throat, it echoes in his mind, it prickles at his skin.





	Spring Cleaning

**Author's Note:**

> Please assume this takes place in a canon AU where Akechi lives.

Goro’s hair grows longer and his feelings grow deeper as he waits for Akira Kurusu to return. Emotions gain a peculiar, foreign dimension to them, like he's slowly being filled with the things that he previously lacked. Or maybe it's more that he's regaining things that he once tried to throw away: his dreams, his passions, his opportunities, all burned to crisps and used as kindling to keep the hell-fire in him fierce and unyielding.

His body begins to feel heavier as winter passes, though not in a literal sense – it’s as if he’s been rooted to the present more firmly now that he knows he’s here in reality to stay, rather than living on a self-inflicted timeline. Since he hasn’t the hot air of revenge to keep him buoyant anymore, the weight of the future presses down on him instead. And he starts to understand from a new perspective what he would’ve stolen away if he’d managed to kill Akira Kurusu – that it wasn’t simply a matter of deleting a person from the world, but that he’d also have destroyed every possibility that could only exist because Akira Kurusu lived.

And all of that pushes against him, it chokes in his throat, it echoes in his mind, it prickles at his skin. He thinks about too many things and feels too intensely, making up for that lost period of time when he’d been so single-mindedly fixated on a goal and every mid-point he needed to arrive at to get there in due time that everything else fell to the wayside. There was so much he’d left undone and undecided because he’d assumed in the back of his mind that it would never have mattered, like the fact that he can barely cook, or he never decided what universities to apply to, or that he has no idea how much money he has saved – these utterly mundane things assault him one after another and leave him feeling vaguely helpless.

If Akira Kurusu had let him die – if he’d never met Akira Kurusu to begin with – then he’s sure he would’ve never felt this kind of pain. Regret could’ve remained a distant stranger and he would’ve happily self-destructed in a disaster of his own making, never having lived purely for his own well-being even once in the entirety of his short life.

Therefore, it becomes of upmost importance to him to wait for Akira Kurusu to come back and ensure that happens as quickly as possible. Having a single, tangible purpose in mind makes it easier to endure every day as it passes, because he has to think that something will make sense to him when he sees Akira’s face again – that he might be able to understand what the point of living on like this is.

And then, right before winter begins to melt away for spring to take hold, the wait comes to an end with a single text from Makoto: _He’s home. He wants to see you. Can you visit Leblanc tomorrow afternoon?_

_Of course I can_ , he replies, and leaves the second part of his response unsent: _How could I not?_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Goro loses a certain amount of sleep wondering how he should greet Akira, but when the time comes, their reunion happens without any fanfare: “Hey,” Akira says, looking up from the counter seat as the bell attached to Leblanc’s front door announces the presence of a visitor. The only thing different about him, Goro notes, is that he’s not wearing his glasses anymore.

“Hello,” Goro replies.

“You look like you’re hanging in there,” Akira tells him, and before Goro can respond, he abruptly adds, “Your hair’s gotten really long, by the way.”

The way that Akira says it makes it sound like he doesn’t think Goro’s noticed – and the truth is, he hasn’t, because it didn’t seem like such an important observation to actively register amidst everything else happening around him. Abashedly, Goro picks up a few stray strands overlaying his face between his thumb and pointer finger, smiling slightly. “Too long, probably,” he replies.

“Yeah, it doesn’t suit you,” Akira agrees, and then tilts his head at the seat next to him, which Goro takes as his cue to sit down.

“How have you been?” Goro asks, because he’s not sure what else to ask.

“I’ve been good, actually,” Akira answers, and for a split second, he reveals a mischievous sort of grin. “It turns out I get along with actual delinquents perfectly fine. Who would’ve thought, right?”

Goro laughs lightly. “I think hardly anybody would be surprised to hear that, but either way, that’s a relief,” he replies.

“And how have you been?” Akira returns.

“That’s complicated, I suppose,” Goro says, after a pause. “Not poorly, but I wouldn’t say I’m doing well either.”

“You’re enduring,” Akira suggests.

“Enduring might be generous,” Goro admits. “More like I’m just barely surviving without knowing how or why I’m doing it.”

“Still, surviving is surviving,” Akira replies. “I know that’s an oxymoron, but the point is that you’re here, in the present… you have a future to look ahead to. That’s an accomplishment in and of itself, don’t you think?”

Goro presses his lips together in a forced smile, as he’s conditioned himself to do when he doesn’t have a proper answer immediately at hand – but then he quickly wipes it off his face when he realizes what he’s doing. “I don’t know about that,” he says. “I think about the past often, after all. Several times, every single day.”

“Everybody does that,” Akira says.

_Probably not the same way that I do it_ , Goro thinks, but his pride doesn’t allow him to say it out loud. 

Thankfully, Akira seems to sense that Goro’s not ready to reply to that, because he continues on as if he didn’t expect a response to begin with. “Anyway, leaving that aside… have you thought about cutting your hair? I don’t mean this in a bad way, but… the overgrown look doesn’t fit you.”

“I agree with you about that,” Goro says, trying to not sound openly grateful for the topic change. “I haven’t thought about it much, but now that we’re discussing it – well, I think I _am_ overdue for a trim.”

“That reminds me… do you know why people cut their hair after they've had their heart broken?” Akira asks, reaching up and carefully lifting a lock of hair off of Goro's face.

“No,” Goro replies, trying his best to stare forward without reacting, because he doesn't know what kind of face he's going to make if he lets his emotions show. “I’ve never had much interest in romance and drama as genres. Are you going to enlighten me?”

Akira lets go of his hair and then smiles. Without his glasses, his face seems almost naked; Goro can see so many things he never noticed before, like the way that his cheekbones rise and turn his eyes into crescent shapes, accentuating how long his eyelashes are – or the way that the left corner of his lips quirks up a little higher than the other side – or the way that the expression makes Goro's heart hot and red – But perhaps it's actually that he never bothered to notice those things before.

“It's because feelings grow along with your hair,” Akira answers, “as if it's taking in all those thoughts, those emotions. So cutting off your hair is like a substitute for cutting away those feelings and letting them go.”

“It’s an act of catharsis, then,” Goro says.

“Right, exactly,” Akira replies, sounding pleased that Goro’s understood him. “So, with that in mind – want me to give you a trim?”

There are plenty of reasons to turn Akira down, and them begin and end with the dual facts that Akira doesn’t seem likely to have any experience with cutting hair and Goro is rather particular about his appearance. But despite that, he accepts: “Alright, since you’re offering.”

As expected, Akira doesn’t have proper haircutting scissors, so he settles for a standard pair. As Akira reaches around him to drape a towel around Goro’s neck, Goro can feel something inside him bubbling forth, as if magnetically attracted to Akira’s presence through physical proximity. He swallows and stares ahead, at the jars of coffee beans, and tries to shake his unease at the fact that he won’t even be able to see what Akira’s doing with no mirror in front of him.

“Okay, I’m good to go. This is your only chance to back out, are you ready?” Akira asks, stepping behind Goro and laying a hand on his shoulder.

“I am,” Goro replies, but when he opens his mouth, the intangible _something_ that’s been building up the entire time he waited escapes: “But I don’t understand it, you know – why you would went so far for me, after everything I’ve done. Why you saved me. Why you still want to help me, even with something as trivial as this.”

There’s a pause. Akira lifts his hand and sighs audibly, but it’s not the scathing sound that Goro was fearing: Akira sounds _relieved_.

“Is that all? Because the reason that I saved you is simple,” Akira says, and then makes his first cut. The sound of the scissors shearing through Goro’s hair is strangely loud, and there’s a rather satisfying, crisp sound when the blades slide back into each other. “It’s because I’m selfish. I want you to live.” _Snip_. “I didn’t consider for a single second whether anybody else wanted that.” _Snip_. “I didn’t even consider whether _you_ would want that.” _Snip_. “But between letting you die and forcing you to live, then I’d be happier with the latter.” _Snip_. “So I did that for myself. Just like I’m doing this, right now – it’s for myself.” _Snip_. “Because it makes me happy to be closer to you.” _Snip_.

Akira doesn’t say any more, nor does Goro reply. The sound of the scissors cutting through hair is all there is filling the room, and Goro’s certain that if he were anywhere else, with anybody else, he would find the situation intensely uncomfortable – but he’s in Leblanc, a place where he’s more relaxed than he normally is, and he’s with Akira Kurusu, a person who makes him feel more like _himself_ than he normally does.

He waited for this – for Akira to return – and he thought that it would give him everything he needed to move on. But now that he’s actually here, Goro realizes it was ridiculous for him to expect so much. Akira could never have given that in the first place, or else Goro would simply be falling into the same trap that he’d just escaped from: relying on somebody else’s existence to imbue him with purpose.

And then Akira suddenly places the scissors down on the counter, putting a hand on Goro’s shoulder briefly. “Alright, I think I’m done,” he says. “Let me get my phone out so you can take a look.”

Akira opens up the camera app on his phone and lets Goro hold it so that he can inspect his new hairstyle at all angles. His hair’s shorter than it’s been since he was quite young – the longest strands barely cover his nape, but the shorter layers are cut closer to his ears. The shortest part, though, is the front: where his hair once hung into it eyes, it now frames his face rather nicely. There are uneven parts that make it clear the haircut is an amateur job, but Goro finds the imperfections don't bother him very much.

“So, what do you think?” Akira asks.

“It’s certainly different,” Goro replies, tilting his head forward, but even at a sharp angle, his eyes are fully visible. He watches himself smile on the phone screen without realizing that it’s him for a second – but once he does, he smiles even wider. “I like it.”

“Good,” Akira replies, clearly pleased with himself. “I was going to trim it to its usual length at first… but I felt like this would suit you better.”

“So like you were saying before, it was on your own selfish whim,” Goro says, handing the phone back.

Akira laughs before he replies, “Yeah, that’s exactly right. You aren’t upset, are you?”

“No,” Goro says. He steels himself before he continues, but his voice still cracks a little when he asks, “I just wonder… after everything I’ve done, is it alright for me to be selfish with you, too?”

“Of course it is,” Akira replies, without hesitation.

“Then, when my hair grows out… can I get you to cut it again?” he asks.

“Give me your number, then,” Akira says. “I’ll come give you a trim whenever you ask for it. And Makoto would like not having to play middle-man anymore, I think.”

So Goro pulls his own phone out and they quickly swap numbers. He can’t help but smile as he glances at Akira’s name in his contacts list – he thinks it might be the first time he’s exchanged numbers with somebody purely because he wanted to be able to contact somebody whenever he likes, rather than some practical reason.

“My head feels a little lighter,” he says before slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Not just physically, but…”

“It was cathartic,” Akira suggests.

“In more ways than one,” Goro replies.

And thus, Goro Akechi’s long wait comes to an end.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just supposed to be like, a 500w drabble to get me warmed up to write other things, but then it took a life of its own. Anyway, I think Akechi would look cute with a shorter haircut, I think it'd be refreshing and boyish on him. But then I guess he'd look a lot like Naoto, so I can understand why he'd want to stay away from that (and Atlus, on a meta level haha).
> 
> If you're interested in seeing more of my writing, please check out my [carrd](https://deplore.carrd.co/)! Thank you for your interest ahead of time.


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